Quote:
Originally Posted by NP_Complete
Having trouble this morning emotionally dealing with the large invoices I've gotten so far this year from my therapist. There were a couple where he didn't bill me for weeks and I hadn't met my deductible, so when I get the invoice, it's quite large. This week, he forgot to bill for my copay for several weeks so those were tacked on. I can afford it so that's not the issue. I just feel like our relationship gets reduced to numbers and bills for services rendered. And I feel so pathetic that I need to pay someone so much to just help me get through life. I also sometimes wish we could be friends and seeing these large invoices come through is a stark reminder that we're not.
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I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Hugs, if wanted. I very much empathize. Some of my biggest conflicts with Dr. T have at least in part been about money issues. I think of the time in the fall during a conflict when I said something about how I could email, but I knew he'd likely have to charge me for that, and he said, "Well, yes, you're part of my job." Which led me to yelling at him "I ****ing know that!"
It's so difficult having what, by all other accounts, is a close, intimate relationship, like a friendship, and also being aware that it's in part a paid, professional relationship. It's very confusing in some ways. Because it can feel like, "Oh, he really cares about me," but then the money part comes up. Like you said, it's a stark reminder of the nature of the relationship.
I was mostly shielded from that with ex-T and ex-MC because they had a receptionist/office manager who took the credit cards and submitted invoices to the insurance company. Where Dr. T doesn't have any office staff, so I'm dealing directly with him for everything. At least now he uses an automated payment thing with my credit card on file, but I still get invoice emails from him generally every weekend (which I then have to submit to insurance). So it's my weekly reminder of the financial aspect of our relationship.
Is this something you feel you can talk about with your T at all? He clearly cares about you. And I know it could be a difficult conversation. But I think, for me, it has ultimately helped to talk about it, and I think Dr. T gets it more now. How I can intellectually understand that it's a professional relationship overall, but then other parts of me struggle with the money aspect. Like emotionally, it's hard. Or from the child part of me.