I can tell that you're really stressed out by your situation and based on everything going on, I understand why you want to quit.
Quote:
I'm so overwhelmed. My supervisor is pressuring me to work on my dissertation and publications, saying that i won't be able to graduate if i won't speed up. Also, he promises to get me more courses to teach in the next year, but that's more frightening than inspiring. Also, I have obligations at the lab (my only source of money right now), and i already let down one of my colleague there... i don't know if i will cope with it.
And really, it's not as much as it sounds. Many of PhD students in my university are doing more. I have only three days of formal job responsibilities right now, but i can't make myself work during the rest of the week (on dissertation and articles)
Also, as a phd student, i have exams and several courses. At the most interesting one, the professor noticed me. We chatted a bit and he said that he likes the way i'm thinking. He suggested that I should write a motivational letter and apply for a part-time job in his lab (again, with a very small salary). I agreed to do it, because projects in his lab (although new to me and not relevant to my dissertation) are very much alike to those inspiring studies that initially dragged me into cognitive science.
I should be excited, but i'm not. Tomorrow is the deadline, already postponed. Today my supervisor called me and insisted that i should describe HIS research interests in my motivational letter, not mine. I refused, we argued for the first time, and that call was paralyzing. Now i'm procrastinating and don't know how to make myself work. I've had several days of rest, but i don't feel rested. Instead of working on my motivational letter, burning drafts or dissertation, I think about quitting entirely
What should I do?
I'll be greatful for any advice or new option.
|
I think you could definitely stay active in your PhD program. First, break all of your responsibilities into doable tasks via a schedule. Literally, create an Excel sheet with the time listed in columns:
On the left side:
6:00 AM to midnight
Add the 7 days of the week above all of the columns.
Next to the time table in 30 minute increments or 15 minute increments (you choose the increment), are these columns, side-by-side:
A: Dissertation
B: Exams
C: Mental Health activities
D: Part-time job search
E: Physical Health
F: Research
G: Fun activities (free!)
H: Course schedule
I: Social relationships
An attorney who lives down the hall from me does this with an Excel spreadsheet because he works full-time and studies in law school at night and showed me his Excel spreadsheet. It actually keeps him motivated, he told me. I'm thinking of doing the same thing for myself; only with a white dry erase board that I have in my kitchen.
Procrastination isn't a bad habit per se. It's the mind/body response to stress when we feel overwhelmed with all of our responsibilities and don't know where to start prioritizing. Once we break-up the responsibilities into manageable timetables and tasks, then our mind/body can start to relax because now we have a schedule. For example, my mother died 2 months ago during my last semester of graduate school. I have 3 weeks to finish writing my thesis. My thesis is 3 sections.
Due to my grief fog brain from coping with my sadness for the entire month of February, I wasn't able to write a single word. All I did was procrastinate because my mind/body shut down from my grief. Now? I'm coming out of the grief brain fog because I want to get my masters and finish my program. The second week of March I was finally able to start writing and revising.
Our peer editing is next week and our paper presentations are at the end of the second week of April. My professors have been very understanding of my situation.
I would urge you to speak to your program dean about your situation, to get some leeway with your professors. Possibly take a semester off to find a part-time job and reboot your mental health then return the next semester.
PhD programs are brutal in every possible way on the person financially, mentally, socially, and physically. When one of those 4 areas (or all of them) are out of sync, the entire person becomes out of sync. What would it look like if you did take a semester off? How would you use that semester off? Would you stay in touch with your professors and program dean? Would you use that time to get physical exercise and nutrition back on track? How would you schedule your time if you just took a 3-month break from your PhD program?
Now, if you don't want to finish it, that's always a choice too. There is no right or wrong here. This is your life so you can literally move in whichever direction that you feel suits you best. I wish you the best of luck.