Thanks for your answers. You recommend love, but I just can't. At least not in the presence of another person. That's not to say I don't love people - I do - but I can only think or feel, not both at once, and if I'm around another person I need to be in thinking mode to be able to communicate properly. I have to love people when I'm alone. It's always been that way.

To illustrate the think/feel split I experience: I'm 43 and I don't know the lyrics to any song, no matter how much I like them. In fact, the more I like them the less likely I will know the lyrics. As soon as I feel the music words no longer make sense. They just become noises devoid of semantic meaning. If I try to sing along with the lyrics on the screen as soon as I feel the music I can't even read anymore. The words become meaningless visual information. I play guitar, and as soon as I feel the music I forget the next chord, no matter how well I know the song. I just can't do both at once.

I think I've used this split as a way to avoid dealing with hypersensitivity for a lifetime - all I need to do to avoid overwhelm is think, and I'm free. Problem is, that gets in the way of true introspection because I can't actually feel an emotion and think about it at the same time. Everything I "know" about myself is retrospective speculation based on experiences I can't directly access.