A child can have two parents and feel like an orphan. YES. And I am trying so hard to undo that for our oldest right now. He feels like he hasn't mattered, because his mother wasn't good to him and I didn't do enough to bring that to light or draw a hard boundary.

"When she comes up against your detachment and strong boundaries, she may switch to the victim card, and even involve others. Don't expect her to stay in a rational place. Stay strong..."

YES!

I'm scared of this. At some point I think this situation is going to escalate. I had kept trying to reach out to her until at one point she said, "This is harassment." I stopped everything at that point. Not. A. Chance. Will I let her have the opportunity to make some kind of martyr of herself and make me look bad. The kids need me.

90% of what I do now I do through my lawyer.

This week she is about to find out that: our son has made a police statement but no charges YET and the younger ones joined him to verify things he witnessed and that he had been the target of with his mother, and she will find out that I am starting the process to move my license for my occupation to another region. That can take several months, so I am starting it. IF by some small chance she gets her way, we are prepared to move to a smaller community with more affordable housing several hours away. where I also have a lot of old friends and some family.

So... She has decisions to make. If she Pushes too hard, or shows up and creates drama, our oldest will take out a protection order and press charges. Then her chances of having the kids with her are gone, and her chances of getting a decent settlement will be gone. She can't support herself too long on her income, though. If she pushes us out of the family home, we move, and she has no ability to stop us. She'll be left in a town where she has NO long term connections and her kids will be hours away. There are no opportunities for her to work in this other town I am keeping as a back up plan.

So. Her degree of control is about to totally fall apart this week.

I know she is in pain, and as crazy as you all think I am for saying it, I love her. I talked with the kids last night, and they say they love their mom, but we have ALL carried a lot of pain for a long time.

My oldest said, It's her turn and Karma sucks.

And can I just say.... We're all happy. The weekends are like the holidays at Christmas. They have friends over, I cook a bunch of food, we play games, we go to get ice cream, and watch movies, every weekend. Even my big, big boy is happy to be around for all this. He brings his girlfriend over too.

It's remarkably easy.

RDM