I’m having a huge personal dilemma.

I’m 35, and I’m this deep personal turmoil on if I want children.
I guess my biggest thing is if I’m doing it for the right reasons.….here are some of the things I think about when it comes to this topic….

My mental health. It’s so poor and children isn’t a cure. But I’m so lost in my life right now and I NEED CHANGE so badly I want to crawl out of my skin some days.

Is it because I’m getting older? Is it “me” that wants kids or the inner biological need as a woman? That drive?

I don’t have a partner, and I’m content being single. but is this choice going to be because there are some days I struggle? A void filler? Because children cannot be void fillers! I am “seeing” someone but it’s never going to end in a commitment. And my disorder prevents me from going out and meeting someone else

Identity and sense of belonging. My BPD.
It’s hard to fit in this world some days. And it’s nice to have something to call our own. But again is this what I need? Would being a mother give me purpose or destroy me?

I feel like it’s one of those “damned if I do but damned if I don’t situations” and I can’t tell if how I’m feeling is me or the BPD

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