Work went well today. I forgot the schedule and some of the ways we run things but I figured it out pretty quick. The kids were a little thrown off being as it is an autistic classroom and some of our kids are very rigid in routine. Me coming back disrupted the routine they had fallen into. But they adjusted with little issue. It was interesting to be around my kids again, I forgot how funny they are. One of the nonverbal girls broke into the bathroom and played in the toilet while I was fishing the nonverbal boy’s milk sippy cup out of the trash just another day in the life haha.

Tomorrow I am taking a half day to go to meet my new pdoc. Reviews online go either way on this guy. I’m going to bring up Emsam and maybe see if I can weasel some Xanax or Ativan out of him because every single day around 4pm I fall into an intense anxiety attack. My heart races above 100bpm and I feel like I can’t breathe. Idk why it’s always at 4pm but I’m getting tired of it. If he’s acceptable I’m going to keep him. Im not looking for amazing right now, I really don’t have the wherewithal to search high and low for a new pdoc. But if he treats me like **** from the off then I’ll have to find someone else.

We’re lucky we’re supposed to get our tax return this week. Gotta pay mortgage and electric and I’m pretty sure I owe one of my credit cards too. I’m not going to get paid until April 15 and I won’t get my money from the state until April 12.

I’m still quite low. I feel just awful about myself. I’m sure I can fix that myself but I don’t have the energy to deal with it right now.