I'm sorry for what you've been experiencing. Especially having a health issue that they're not certain what it is. It's difficult to keep hope alive when you don't see, even a glimmer, of that light at the end of the tunnel. I've had many despairing times myself. I'm a 3x cancer warrior (in active maintenance for stage 4 uterine). Am a lifelong depressive due to various abuse through the years. Starting with my mother. I've also had some PTSD & I believe I have Imposter Syndrome, though it hasn't been diagnosed yet. I've also been homeless.

I've been doing inner work & healing the past few years. Very beneficial & a lot of growth. I recently started treatment for things I've been stuck on. One thing I've learned about & better understood is what self care I need. It includes watching funny vids on YouTube. Even if it just resets my mind & mood for a few mins. My suggestion, if you haven't already is, figure out what things you can do to give yourself a boost each day, if just for a little while.

For most of my life I was more future oriented. I don't know if that's common with those who go through abuse. Being able to look forward to a better tomorrow (even if that tomorrow was next week, month, year, etc) helped. Now I'm learning to be present in the moment & take each day as it comes. That's all we can really deal with, is the here & now. Because we don't know what's going to happen next. You're welcome to DM me if you ever want to share or vent about anything.