It sounds like you have a lot of valid concerns and questions about whether or not you want children. It's important to take the time to really explore and understand your motivations and desires before making such a significant decision. Consider seeking out therapy to help you work through your thoughts and feelings around this issue. A mental health professional can provide you with tools to help manage your BPD symptoms and also help you gain clarity around your decision-making process. Remember that there's no right or wrong answer when it comes to having children, and it's ultimately up to you to decide what's best for your life and well-being.