Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer
I'm scared of this. At some point I think this situation is going to escalate. I had kept trying to reach out to her until at one point she said, "This is harassment." I stopped everything at that point. Not. A. Chance. Will I let her have the opportunity to make some kind of martyr of herself and make me look bad. The kids need me.
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You are being very perceptive and smart. Self preservation...
Whatever you do, it will probably be the wrong thing. That's how she stays in control. As codependents, we want to make things right, get on the same page, and have a "team us." As narcs or whatever they are, they don't think they're winning unless someone else (you) is losing. The communication never works because the codependent doesn't understand that they care more about maintaining the power than you or the relationship.
They've probably been manipulating the world around them for so long that they are literal masters at it. Detachment, and not engaging, seems to be the only way to not lose.
Things sound relatively good for you and your kids right now. That's really nice to hear. I know exactly what you mean about the peace and lack of drama when they aren't around. It's almost weird how easy life is when the drama monster isn't around. Even when they aren't doing anything directly, they impart a mood on the house, and you don't want to attempt to do anything because you know they will do something to ruin it- covertly or otherwise. Hope you are able to really enjoy this time with your kids and make the most of it.