I am glad your daughter is opening up to you and feels safe to do so. I cannot say enough how important that is. Please give her lots of warm hugs and kisses as that will greatly contribute to her feeling safe.

When our children say someone makes them feel unsafe it’s very important to listen. It can be hard to hear but it’s important a child not be made to be around someone they don’t feel safe with, even if that is the other parent.

Your wife is not going to like losing control. She will accuse you of being in the wrong. Yet you and your children know that’s not true.

Yes your wife has AUD and she has become part of a very unhealthy group of women. They call this a harem. You ran into a woman who completely distanced because she could see how toxic it was.

It’s a wise choice to move forward through the lawyer only. No, stand by your daughter’s wishes to not engage in counseling with her mother. What your daughter fears is her mother using a counselor to triangulate to gain control. Your daughter doesn’t have the language but she is telling you in ways she can. Listen and lots of comfort.