What I would suggest is you make a commitment to yourself right now, today, that you will sign off immediately if you even think you'll be triggered into "full on freak out mode". Let those strong feelings pass before you engage with the site again.

If you have been banned from other sites for that behaviour, I can only assume you could face the same or similar consequences here, especially if these behaviours involve being abusive to others.

Make that commitment. No one wants to see you banned.