I made a stupid mistake at work and now I am going to lose my job. I have been suspended for the last 6 days and I have not been able to tell my wife. I cannot eat, I cannot sleep, I cannot think straight. I have failed my family again. I can't keep a job for longer than 2 or 3 years. My union rep is fighting for my job but I do not have high hopes. They do not want me there anymore, it's clear from our sitdown meeting today there is no repairing my mistake. They want me gone. I'm a 40 year old man with a 9 year old boy and a 10 year old girl. I don't know how I'm going to pay the bills. I'm at the stage of my career where companies don't want me or I have exhausted a lot of options. How do you get a new job after being fired? How do I explain to my new future employer why I'm looking for work or the fact my last employer is not a reference. I'm just so lost and broken. Lately I have been trying to be positive, to give and not take. Thinking positivity breeds. However failure only follows me. I'm 40 and I am still failing. Now I have a family depending on me, and my failures are compounded. I'm tired of living in "quiet desperation". I want to run away. If I leave, the house would be paid off for my family and they would have almost $200 grand.

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