E: WHY?’ Why did I tell you the very basics of the memory that popped up. I only really processed the worst part about it, after I left. Now what? How can I hold onto this horrific fact about myself that probably has pushed my self-hatred to a new level-How can I live with this. I need to tell you the rest. I am just afraid that I will be ok waiting a week. While I do not want you to know any of this about me, we already went too deep with the little info I gave you today.

I wish I could really disappear, instead of doing it only when I close my eyes.