I’d call his bluff. “So you planning on killing yourself and don’t want your brother to know yet you want your ex wife to know? What kind of logic is that?” “As your ex wife I have no access to your will or to your place of residence. It’s not my business about your will. Tell your brother”

I’d call his brother and 911 every time he threatens suicide, which he’s been doing many times. It would put stop to it. He’ll stop

Also I don’t know why you think you must maintain relationship and regularly communicate with ex spouse (your divorce is being finalized so it’s as good as done). You only have to maintain connection (within reason) and be amicable if you have to co parent. And that’s life long connection that never ends, eventually there are grandchildren etc There is no reason for you to worry about kind of relationship you’ll have with him after divorce. You’ll have none. In absence of children relationships with exes are over. You could be polite in public but relationship is done. You already date someone else and you still talk with ex.

Do you plan talking to him for years to come? If being nice to him and amicable means so much you can never really stop talking to him. How will it play in your future relationships? You were upset he was talking with his ex wife a lot while married to you. Do you think your partners/boyfriends will like you talking with your ex so much and for no reason?

If you run into him in bars it’s full of people, dark and loud and people dance and drink. Are you planning on having meaningful conversation with him beyond “Hi”. Why? And you go to these venues with other people. Will you two leave your companies and go talk to exes? No. Then why go through this torture in case you must talk with him at concerts.

Also if you could be friends and have this great communication you desire, you’d remain married. You are divorcing for a reason. And yes some people remain friends. But he abused you and mistreated you and is manipulating and disrespecting you now. You want friends like that? Is this a healthy “friendship”?