Wow.

What he's doing sounds like hard core manipulation to me. If it's dragging you back to him, and keeping you attached in some way, it may very well be nothing more than manipulation. It sure kind of feels like it.

Even if the whole tone of it seems negative, that doesn't matter to a manipulator as long as they feel like they have you on a hook

I wouldn't even engage, acknowledge, or take action towards his threats. You don't need to take care of him, he's a grown man.

What's he done to take care of you? If he'd taken care of you in a mutually meaningful way, would you even be in a situation like this?

I say detach, detach, detach. And go take care of yourself.

Don't worry about the possibility of someone listing you as an executor or some other agent on legal paperwork. You would have the right to step back and refuse to do it. I know because I was in that situation with a family member at one point and had to do exactly that. Usually there will be an alternate listed, or else the state can appoint someone. If you're still legally married at the time, that might be different, but in that case, you would still have right of survivorship and most things would probably be rather straightforward. But, I too, think it's all a bluff.

(((Hugs))). Being jerked around emotionally isn't fun.