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Soliaree said:
On one of my earlier posts, I told y'all that T asked if I could switch my apointment with him from Thursday at 3:00 to Friday at 3:00. I say okay, no problem. Of course, after that I started wondering if he was just trying to increase the length of time in between sessions.

Well, Friday I showed up at his office a little before 3:00. I waited about five to ten minutes. The phone rang and the receptionist answered it.

Now, Fridays are the days that T schedules court. I don't think he ever knows exactly when he will be back. So, the secretary told me that he was still at court and wouldn't be back for my session. What a brilliant attack. I was really injured.

If he was trying to totally %#@&#! me, he did a great job. Let's see, I'll move your time from Thursday until Friday to make you wait longer. Then, I'll let you come to my office just to be told that I won't be there. WTF?

I asked him to give me a call and he did. He was like, "I said I"m sorry." ? Now I promise you he'll give me the, "how to deal with disappointment" lecture. I am trying to deal with so much in my life now. I am nothing to him. I know that's as it should be. But it still hurts. I just feel like giving up. I would do anything to make him really care about me, but devastatingly know the truth, reality. There's no undoing the past. I'll never be free. I can't stand his aggressive techniques. This onslaught is more than I can handle. I feel more worthless and hurt. Is he trying to get me to leave so he won't have to ask me to leave? I so badly want him back the way he used to be. I've totally ruined that and have no one else to blame but myself.

Quite a few people who I care about are sick, dying, or are just plain sick of me. I am helpless, I can't control any of this. My stepdad is dying of congestive heart failure, he is terrified. All I can do is sit and talk to him. I can't go with him. I can't keep him here. He is alone, as we all are.

LET THE MASS EXODUS BEGIN. I knew it would end this way. I just knew it.

</div></font></blockquote><font class="post"> <font color="blue">I feel bad... that you feel bad. People can live with CHF for quite a long time... many live a normal life span with mediating drugs, exercise, diet, surgery, etc., so don't throw in the towel yet. I don't blame your step dad for being scared, because being really sick is scary, especially when it can be life threatening.
Regarding your T---- I don't know the man, but I don't see anything intentional in his behavior, or anything inappropriate when he called because he couldn't make it, as he was stuck in court during your appointment time. He would have done better had he called you before your appointment to tell you he couldn't get out, but things happen sometimes like that on accident. It would have pissed me off, but I wouldn't have internalized it or anything by reading something into it. That sounds like-- a cognitive distortion. I am really harsh on bad T's and PDOCS, so I'm not defending him or anything, and trust me, if I saw malicious intent in his actions, I'd say so-- and I'd go further and tell you to tell him to cancel ALL of your appointments, but I just don't see what you see, and I'm a detached outside observer.

I'll entertain the possibility that he might have moved your appointment from Thur. to Fri. to extend the time between appointments, but I don't know why he would do that. Did he tell you why he wanted to move the appointment time? It could have been he had a last minute change of plan too, ever think of asking him? I would never stick with a therapist that wasn't straight with me or played silly little games. I'd tell them where to shove it, as I have no time for that stuff.
It seems more likely from all you said though, that your just catastrophizing the situation, probably due to fear of abandonment. Oh, I've seen bad T's before, and I just got done telling someone else about my friends T. who really DID abandon him, unethically and illegally for no obvious reason, so they do exist. I'm just not sure this guy is doing that. I'd relax a bit, step back, take the weekend and reassess. Be direct with him when you see him next-it's probably not what you think.

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