Since ending the friendship, I’ve learned a lot about narcissistic relationships. This friendship was one I had along with others.

Our time spent together was fun. We didn’t ever fight. She was over the top hilarious then would just get to be too much. She was like this with everybody, had several close friends, circle of friends over the years. Everybody would end up having to take a break from her and then she’d Hoover us all back in to start again. But it was never from fighting, just she had no boundaries and was overwhelming.

It was later in life, after her divorce that she seemed to be sinking. She had developed some impulsive, risky behaviors, addictions, compulsions (not drugs or alcohol). Yes, this must be when she took the mean-spirited downturn. I was not involved in any of what she was doing.

I was a supportive friend. We said we were like sisters. We’d tell each other everything. I now know this was a mistake. I trusted confiding in a friend. And then learned she blabbed it to others.

When I wrote the post here yesterday about that it was her saying I had BPD that ended the friendship, I misspoke. It was even more than that. The BPD thing happened just before. The final straw that led to the discard was about her being so overly intrusive about my marital problems and wouldn’t back off. I told her I didn’t want to discuss it. She said “You may as well stay with him because you are miserable with or without him.” Good grief. I was getting divorced (that time, that first time, now happening second time in an extremely toxic emotionally abusive marriage). I wasn’t miserable without him. I was driving and minding my own business, feeling quite good. She called and demanded to know what was happening with it. I said I didn’t want to discuss it and tried r to draw a boundary and that’s how she went off on me, so bad it ended the friendship with her saying she couldn’t “walk on eggshells”. She said this just to try to push my buttons because she knew the title of the book was called this on BPD.

The lesson here is I wasn’t healthy to have chosen this kind of friend from the start. Although we had a blast together, it wasn’t healthy. Healthy choices would have been for me to choose the studious, nice, good kids as friends. I chose funny, edgy, mischievous, dramatic friends. That’s a reflection of me.

The other lesson is about overly trusting and confiding in untrustworthy friends. They backstab.

I wish I had all the information on narcissism then like I do now. I’d have seen I was already submerged in it. I’d have learned what is healthy and strived to be that. I could have saved myself a lot of pain.

I didn’t fight with friends but these relationships still hurt me. A friend should be someone you like, have mutual respect, enjoy doing things together, emotionally support each other (without becoming overly involved). I’ve had other friends like this, but they never felt as close as a friend like her, who was so enmeshed I had to take breaks to be able to breathe. I’m sure that says a lot about me.