So my doctor suggested some of my issues sound like BPD symptoms (although he has not diagnosed me with a full blown disorder) and I just wonder if I really have it or not. It’s hell because it has made me doubt my whole emotional and romantic life and well… my whole self really. I was wondering if my relationship scheme might be a part of it and if someone here can relate or if it does not sound like BPD.

So I am in a middle of another relationship crisis and god I hate this. I have been with the guy for seven years and it is going to hell like all my relationships have so far. I meet a guy and usually I am like “meh,” I don’t honestly feel much but the guys seem to like me and it is flattering and warm and nice, so I sort of let them like me. Usually, when they initiate a relationship, I just go with the flow and try to find something nice about them that I also learn to like back. Funnily enough, even though I have never felt really head over heals for anyone I have never been with anyone for less than a year. I always feel like, if somebody really likes me and wants to be with me, I should give them a real chance as far as they are not a complete idiots.

But then after that year or so, I realise that I don’t feel really crazy about them or that they make me feel right down numb and want to break things off. And usually what I see is a ton of pain, regret, depression in their eyes which usually totally breaks me and I always agree on working on things with them even when I don’t feel anything for them. And since that point things start to siphon off for me, because I usually just feel sorry for them but not really interested, so they always start to go on my nerves with those puppy “please stay with me” eyes and I start to push them away with being really irritated by everything they do, I usually get angry on them breathing and we fight all the time. So eventually, I wait for them to break things off with me but they never do, even when I treat them real bad. So then I feel like **** for treating them bad while they seem to truly love me, so I try to tell myself that I should just be in love with their love for me but of course that never works.

Usually…after months of this I finally break up with them but as soon as I do and I learn that there is none to love me anymore, there are no puppy eyes to beg me to stay, I start to feel insanely lonely and basically instantly regret that. Most of the guys always want me to take them back so always do but then after another month I realize once again that taking them back was stupid and want to break up again, so the rollercoaster starts.

I have personally never initiated a relationship or getting back together thing with anyone. I just always let guys to do it, but I guess if I were more emotionally stable and less scared of being alone a breakup would just be a breakup no matter how many times the guy comes knocking on my door….

Is this a typical BPD thing?