I'm so sorry that you are going through this.

My DH is also one who threatens divorce every few months. At least he did until one time last year when it didn't have the desired effect of putting me into my place - where my fear of abandonment is triggered. Unfortunately or not, repeated exposure to his behavior has somewhat dulled that old fear. I stopped giving into it, and that apparently scared him.

These people are about exerting control over you, not about having any kind of mutually beneficial relationship.

Of course it hurts to be treated the way he is treating you. Love doesn't act that way. Love supports, it doesn't tear down. Love communicates, it doesn't manipulate. It's very hard to begin looking at your relationship with different eyes.

Do you think he honestly wants a divorce? Or do you think he's just saying that to control and hurt? The last time mine threatened and I stood up to him, he seemed to panic and began to backpedal. It wasn't the reaction he expected or wanted.

Are you able and ready to leave? Only you know your circumstances and what the best move for you is at this moment. That decision can change at any time- it's up to you.

Have to agree strongly with RD about self inventory. There's a reason why we put up with their garbage, so it can be helpful to learn more about yourself and seek growth for your own benefit. Even if you remain in the relationship at this point, you can still work on yourself, build better boundaries, and learn to take care of yourself.

If he's a narcissist like you think, counseling with him would probably be a waste of time. They lack the insight and capacity for personal growth generally, and are prone to using manipulation and lies in any situation to get their way and win. Which means you have to lose.

Sending a big old hug your way. You sound like you need it today.