I hope you will find the boundaries with your ex husband so that you two can stop using each other. You seem so dysfunctionally entangled and you are both being less than honest with each other. Please consider finding a therapist to work through your issues of being unable to be okay with your own independence. Until you figure out what scares you so much about being by yourself, I fear you will keep repeating this pattern with your ex. It’s not fair to yourself. It’s not fair to your ex. It’s not fair to anyone you enter into relations with.

You and your ex feed off each other and keep repeating the same mistakes. It may take really exploring what that’s all about for you to reach a place where you can find the strength to truly disengage permanently from that pattern with him.

Wishing you the best in this. It must be so difficult to move forward when you keep looking back. I think many of us, myself included, have had areas in our life that we cling to even when we know it isn’t in our best interest. It takes great introspection and learning of different habits and skills to change directions permanently, but those changes are worth the work when we finally get there.