Please go ahead and proceed with a divorce. This will not improve, not ever, he will never change and it will only get worse and worse as time goes on.

I was in a very similar position as you are with my abusive husband, whom I am now divorcing. He exploded on me in very similar rages over nothing, blamed me for everything, he gaslit me all the time, and never took responsibility for his harmful actions towards me.

Finally., I had had enough and I kicked him out of our home... not once but twice. I did give him a second chance, after kicking him out the first time. He moved back in, and was good for a few months, or almost one year, with a few flare ups -- we even went to couples therapy and he attended individual therapy for a year, but he only just manipulated our therapist into thinking that I was the problem! After about a year, he then he reverted right back to the same old abusive and gaslighting behaviors and I had to kick him out again. Our divorce will finalize in about 100 days.

I am 52 years old and felt the same exact way as you - how can I start over at this age?

Well, starting over is easier than living with constant fear of abuse.... and the insults, gaslighting and frequent rages.

Please don't do that to yourself. Please, care enough about your well being and sense of self respect to put an end to the abuse.

If you need additional support, there are loads of abuse support groups you can join on Facebook that are free. Tons of women and men who are leaving their spouses due to abuse. I have found these groups to be invaluable to me through the leaving, separation and divorce process. You need support and strengthening, but most importantly right now is to say enough is enough and end it once and for all.