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Apr 04, 2023, 10:58 AM
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Desert Kitty hates titles
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 12,552
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jesyka
Inhave similar issues. Almost no ome approaches me first for some reason. I have rbf, so maybe that’s part of the readon, idk. I’m quiet in groups too. The most self centred annoying loud extroverts tend to dominate the conversation in groups. I loathe groups, so I’m even more limited in how I can meet other people.
It was hard for me to ho to meetup groups by myself. I’m done with that though as I always get ignored in groups most of the time.
Don’t chase people or be to nice or to eager to be their friend. I’ve had nasty mean people accuse me of being to ‘needy’ just for asking for their number once and accused of trying to ‘force’ a friendship just by trying to talk to them.
I kind of hate most people now & I either barely make anymore effort in meeting people or I give up on them fast after they don’t bother to initiate or show interesr in me.
A few friends told me to trear friendshios like dating. Do they be to available & play it cool. I didn’t believe them at first, but now I do.
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I'm not familiar with rbf but looked it up and it seems to mean, in this context, "resting b i t c h face"?  Sorry, NOT calling you one, just writing what I found online.
I've met some nice people in groups before but they ghosted me eventually. They weren't what they seemed, I conclude. You're so right how loud people dominate everything because they are so loud. Or long winded types. My in person book club is like that. The loud people dominate the conversation the whole hour, some people I don't hear from at all. It's like one would have to stand on the table and yell "Will you all SHUT UP and give others a chance?"
You've made a good post. I too have been accused of being too needy simply by making a friendly gesture. Or they think it's not sincere. I'm ALWAYS sincere and say what I mean, mean what I say.
When I was a kid I used to get berated for being quiet, like there's something wrong with that. NOW I dare anyone to say that to me, as I'd say why are they so loud? Or why do they talk so much if they ask me why I never talk? Who says it's acceptable to be loud and not acceptable to be quiet?
The world is for the extroverted. And to add to my distress, I don't have a loud voice and wearing a mask in the past made it that much harder to be heard. So being heard just literally was hard enough.
Like you I'm not making much effort anymore. I don't mean I'm stopping completely but being more careful than I was, seeing what kind of vibe I get from the person. That inner voice has usually been right, so I'm now wary of anyone else TOO eager to be a friend. I did get this "red flag" feeling from someone who really laid it on thick, such as how glad she met me, how I'm so great, that she made a new friend, we can still talk/text if not going for a walk, etc. etc. etc. Recommending books to me, saying she liked the same TV shows I liked, etc.
I don't know....in hindsight I think I was a guinea pig of some kind. She's studying psychology so maybe it was to see if I took the bait. I did, unfortunately.
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