You remind me of the reverse of myself. I got married when I was too young and not ready, when I didn't feel right about it, but wasn't able to trust my own feelings. I prayed about whether I should marry him, and the answer I got felt like "you are going to." It didn't feel like it was particularly right or wrong, just the way it was.

Now I am approaching 40, and I'm not happy with where I am in life. I missed out on a lot of development and growth because I was depressed and felt trapped. And I can't just leave - I have kids and responsibilities. It's not because my husband is a bad person, but that I wasn't ready and this wasn't what I needed, or not the right timing.

Maybe God hasn't abandoned you, and maybe He has reasons that we don't understand for placing you in the situation that you are in now. Maybe if you had married one of those men, you would be feeling trapped and depressed. Maybe if I hadn't gotten married I would be lonely and feeling rejected and punished like you are.

God doesn't abandon us. He doesn't always give us the things that we ask for when we want them, or even ever, and that can be for many reasons. But God still loves you and wants to bless you. He is there, even if you have moved away from him (not praying, becoming bitter, ...)

Maybe you could try praying to know that God still loves you, and to get in touch with your own heart and be able to follow it now. I hope that you do find love. I would have to give you better odds on that than I could give myself, as you are in a position to grab on if and when you find someone. If you didn't feel either of the men you dated were right for you, maybe they weren't right for you, and you were blessed to avoid being stuck in a relationship that isn't a good fit for you.

I hope that you find the answers and the hope that you are looking for!


Rap