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We had a good session with my dd, dd even talked and worked on herself.
Then Dr. K took her usual 10-minute break and regroup time, when she came back she seemed upset but just asked for a couple of minutes. Her office is ‘L’ shaped and she was over in the part behind me. I glanced back and she was crying a bit. She said she would be ok, just give her a moment. So I turned away and said nothing. I struggled with my own tears cos it ripped my heart up to see her hurting.
She got herself together and started my session. I believe that she saw I was concerned and so she told me she was sorry about being upset. There had been a problem with one of the other therapists in her office and as the boss she had had to fire the other one. The other one had been told to wait till all patients would be gone before moving her things but was there now. Dr. K said she was mad and that was what had made her cry. Well I tried but I couldn’t help my concern and at a point that seemed appropriate to me I asked her if she had a therapist to talk to about stuff. And she started crying again.
I didn’t know what to say or do. Understand she wasn’t weeping big or hard but teared up and struggling to stop there. She seemed embarrassed and looked away. She acknowledged that it touched her that I was concerned about her and that she would be ok. Again I felt that I needed to give her space to deal with it and looked away and even started to go away.
The whole time I just wanted to reach out and take her hand or offer a hug, it just didn’t seem the right thing to do.
She pulled it together again and we had what was mostly a normal for us session but I felt out of tune or something. Since this I have felt depressed and disgusted with myself. I love Dr. K and I know she cares about me but instead of acting true to myself I withdrew. I feel like I failed us both.
I just ache with it all. I want to go back to my si, I want to call her but I am afraid to - how can I explain how I feel without making it sound like I blame her for crying. I don’t blame her it is my reactions I am concerned about not hers. She showed me she is human and I feel like I rejected it. I want to be closer to her and look how I responded to it!
Stopping here, I have already written a book and am starting to repeat myself. I don’t know if there is anything to be said to all this, just ignore it, k?
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dalila
Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do but it doesn't get you anywhere.
-Erma Bombeck
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