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Apr 06, 2023, 12:38 PM
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Desert Kitty hates titles
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 12,524
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Motts
Anyone who knows me, knows I love to cite sources. :P
Toxic People: 12 Things They Do and How to Deal with Them - Hey Sigmund
Again, my belief is that anyone who uses the 100% lame excuse, "it's not you, it's me," is trying to escape being held accountable for their actions. If people were just more emotionally mature enough to communicate how they feel with each other, then this lame excuse wouldn't be used as an emotional shield, per se, to deflect the other person's emotional response.
i.e. the OP's situation about her sharing her Spain vacation photos. That was a cool trip and she shared it with this group of women acquaintances online, whom she's also spent time with in person.
Instead of congratulating the OP on her vacation and commenting on the photos, and reciprocating the OP's efforts to maintain their connection to the OP, these women just basically ghosted the OP without any context. So, yeah, it is about them not prioritizing the OP's feelings or expression of joy at finally taking a great vacation after the horrible 3-year long pandemic that Covid-19 was.
OP, if you're still reading...those women aren't good friends. They're just 1/2 invested in their connection to you. It sounds like you realized this and lowered your expectations (which is the best response).
Keep trying to find women to befriend. Women friendships are so good for our soul. It's hard because at our age (the 50s), most women have etched out their lives and aren't emotionally available anymore to other women friendships. At least that's been my experience (sorry for my projection). |
 You're right about them not being mature enough or having the kind of communication skills to be honest about this connection. People who want a more deeper connection will respond in kind, to the other person making that gesture.
True, I wouldn't call them friends---just acquaintances. If they consider themselves friends of OP, then their definition of friendship is drastically different.
I don't know what you mean by women in their 50's have etched out their lives, unless you mean they are just too busy with their lives for a real friendship? If so, not for me. As I posted, I believe one MAKES time for what's important. And if a friendship is important, then it's a priority and other things take a backseat.
I use the analogy of a garden that needs tending to grow. If you neglect it, it will wither and die. It needs nourishment and attention. Similar to a house being sturdy. Without a good foundation, it will crumble.
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