Agreed, I have to be careful of being baited.

This:

"
Whenever my DH is gone for a few days, it's like the emotional headspace in the house clears and those of us here are allowed to have our emotions again. He literally hijacks all the emotional headspace in the house, and it's hard to explain to someone else how this happens. No emotions but his matter, and everyone else's are trampled. We didn't even realize how much we'd repressed our emotions because of him"

Is so overwhelmingly true. I could have written this. I've used the description "sucked all the air out of the room".

I had a job for 5 years that required me to be away for 1-4 nights about every 3 months. I've asked the kids if the house felt different during those times.

No. It was really hard because you weren't there.

Are you sure? Were things hard at home because of me and mom arguing.

It didn't change when you weren't there. We just had to do more stuff on our own.

That was me trying to confirm if I was the source, or half the source of the feeling in the air at home.

They are pretty clear that it's a no.

Last night the big kid told me, This is the life I've wanted for the last 6 years, just us without mom We're ok and we're going to be ok.