"Not even having the awareness..."

That's the thing. I don't think she has the awareness.

Because of that, everything is done to her. She is the recipient, not the source.

When I said, progressively, This is getting really bad, some of the things you're saying and doing are really scary, it's effecting us all, please get help, please work on yoyr relationship with the kids.

That was me tearing her apart.

When I finally told the kids, You have to tell mom yourself because she doesn't believe me, that was me manipulating them against her.

Trying to move the kids into a more stable home because she'd be talking openly about divorce for 5 months, was me kicking her out of the house.

And.... I know she's in pain. Deep mental and emotional pain, with no ability to make it change.

And I've always loved her and never wished her pain, and hate having her think I'm the source of it.