Hey Sadman!

Yes, this sucks! Really, really sucks!

Why am I back on here?

Because I just interacted with my wife over text, and I'm questioning everything!

Again!

I feel like a complete screw up loser who caused bottomless pain.

Again!

And I don't want to seek confirmation from the kids that they truly chose me and that they are healthier no contact with their mom. That's unfair to them. They need me for support.

I have ZERO confidence after I speak to her.

BUT.... When I went for a week without talking to her, I:

- really took control of my work (job), and actively sought ways to move forward, and it appears things are progressing already
- began building a financial emergency back up plan and enacting it
- totally lost the feeling of hoping and wishing someone would save me
- really took control at home and was able to do multiple things to offer the kids support.
- became the boss, clearly, at home, and got a ton done and did a lot to look after my herd.

Got-dang! Why is she so certain and unquestioning, and I'm so uncertain and questioning?

And I don't want to slander her to anyone, or suggest she's mentally ill. This is a fairly small town.

Sadman.... It sucks.

But a few good days make a difference.

I read an article recently about some Nigerian men who rode on the rudder of a ship for 11 days for a chance at a better life in Europe. HUMANS are amazingly resilient and adaptable.

You, too, are human.

You got this.

I got this.

Ok?