Sometimes people say they will try anything but they don’t really try or give it a chance because they are too afraid of change. Even if changes would be good and positive. You’ve been in your pessimist valley for decades. You say you’re willing to try but you put her down and say things like she’s a narcissist so you have a reason not to succeed. From what you wrote she sounds like a realist and that could be good for you. Are you willing to tell her you are scared to let go of your negative beliefs? That you are too comfortable in the pit you’ve dug for yourself to truly want to change? If you start there and address those fears you could then move forward.