(((hugs)))

I also talk to my dd about what goes on here. Years ago I began practicing "reality acceptance" as part of dealing with anxiety (that was probably ultimately because of DH's covert ways that were, well, covert), and as a result we talk about things more openly and directly than what some people might think is appropriate. It's done with compassion, but it's time for everyone's feelings and experiences to be accounted for and acknowledged, not just the person for whom everybody else has walked on eggshells.

My dd got to a point where she's done with it all. We no longer talk about it. There's no need. We know how it is now. But for a while, I think we had serious cognitive dissonance that needed to be processed out and it was similar to what you describe. A lot of validating.

In time you will see more clearly and come to trust yourself and your perceptions. It's a process....

Hope you and your kids are doing okay and had a relaxing evening.