I'm also struggling with going full no contact with my ex. Yep. I admit that I am having trouble fully letting go, despite everything. I reached out to him yesterday in desperation for support... I know I know... WHY go to someone who has hurt me for support? I get it and it doesn't make sense, I understand this. But, that being said, he's been a rock lately around all that is happening for me, and I so wish I could truly lean on him.... I have conflicted feelings I think. He's been SO nice lately, that it's easy for me to get wrapped up in his niceness, and it's easy for me to fall into his trap.

I am very vulnerable & impressionable right now, and I recognize this. I recognize my weak boundaries and my inability to keep them up.

At least I told him no when he wanted me to hang out with him last night. I said, no, I can't, and I won't get back together with you. I reiterated this point.

I know what you all are going to tell me: block him and stop speaking with him. It's just not as easy is it sounds in writing on the forum, going through all that I am. I am weakened. I feel it. I know I need to block him again and cease the communications. I know this. I am having trouble doing this.

I wonder if a part of me is pleased that he is chasing me so hard.... if I am truly being truthful with myself, looking deep inside and being honest about how I feel... I think a part of me is enjoying his attention and love... as twisted and f'ed up as that may sound. After being mistreated, to have him telling me he will give me the sun, moon and stars to be with me.... well, it does feel good, to an extent.

I know.... I've got to put a stop to this, especially since I am sorta dating someone and it's not fair or right of me to keep the ex around in any way. I get it... just putting all my thoughts out there right now, and I know what I need to do.... we did go 4 days this week without speaking... then I was the one who broke the silence. My fault.