AND.... Ok, another issue to confront, with someone I have not brought up much on here. He has been an acquaintance of mine through the music scene for the last 6 years. When I first met him 6 years ago, I was attracted to him and single. We made out one time early on in those days, and he pulled something that took me by surprise. He is a bit of an S&M guy, and I think he took my arm and put it behind my back, in a very controlling S&M sort of way. I didn't like that, so I asked him what he was doing and I stopped kissing him. That was the extent of our sexual encounters. But since then, I've heard things about him from others who tell me he is into S&M.

Lately, he has been leaning on me a lot, as his one and only confidante about his troublesome relationship with a woman. Based on his stories and description of her behaviors, I've been telling him over the last 3 months that she is abusive and that he needs to get out of the relationship. He is trying to save money so that he can move out and leave her.

Well, so yesterday I was at a music event and ran into a female friend of mine. We started talking about this guy, and I told her how we've become better friends now and that he is leaning on me for support around his abusive relationship. Well, she tells me to be careful and wary of him.. that in fact, HE is the abuser and she knows this for a fact. She is friends with his former girlfriend, who says he is abusive.

This news kind of knocked the wind out of me. I was taken aback but told my girlfriend that I believed her. I thanked her for letting me know.

But now I don't know what to think. Is HE in fact the abuser, and she is simply just reacting to HIS abuse with reactive abuse? OR is it vice versa or a combo of both? All this time, I have been on his side of things and have told him repeatedly she is abusing & gaslighting him. She yells at him constantly.... she explodes into insane illogical rages like my ex husband used to do, she berates and bullies him, slinging insults, and so much more.

Without fully knowing the truth, I feel I should back off from him a bit, but as his only confidante, I also feel I should give him the benefit of the doubt. I actually don't know how to proceed.... do I believe my girlfriend, or do I believe him?