What divine said.... . That covers the addiction/compulsion end of things very well.

My DH also has had significant health issues (which we deny as anything significant) and I also think alcohol is a factor for him- though whatever he's doing now is on the down low. Some of his other health problems are not likely alcohol related, but they may have caused a narcissistic collapse. Up until a point, he must have thought he was invincible. Anyhow, I wasted 4 years of my life trying to have similarly fruitless conversations with him about his issues, and you know what? For all his resistance, I think he loved every minute of it. Full attention and put him in the driver's seat. Hindsight and all that....

If she's getting attention and you feel manipulated, that's probably exactly what's happening. You'll get off the merry go round once it sinks in how tired you are of being on it. That's where I ended up. There was a straw that broke the camel's back and the detachment was rather natural. That said, I still occasionally feel the compulsion to help or fix him, but am better able to not give into it now. You will get there too.

Hope you all have a great day.