I can relate well with the holidays. I live in an apartment complex, and during the holidays, I see people coming for others bringing all kinds of food for a nice lunch or dinner together. That's not going to happen for me. So it's painful for me to see this.

I get the depressive feelings quite a bit myself because of being alone. There are times when I feel OK by myself but then it's hard to take knowing that there was no one to talk to all day. I like alone times but I don't want it to be like that all of the time. Keeping myself busy helps, but when the time comes when there's nothing to do, then it hits me. And anxiety, oh boy do I ever have that at times! I especially have it when in bed before getting out for breakfast. My mind spins like a windmill in a hurricane. It feels like my world is coming to an end. What's weird is that if times are nice, I get anxiety because I think that I'm being set up for a big plunge later on.

I think it's good if you know of a place to go and meet people. I've tried that myself and felt like I didn't succeed. And it made me feel worse. When I go out and about, sometimes I would get into some small talk with my neighbors. It's nice but not fulfilling. And then there are those I bump into who I don't want to see. That's really bad.

I don't know what to suggest. I'm feeling the same as you and you are not alone in this, even though it may seem that way.