Happy Easter =] My mom gave me a chocolate bunny this morning.

Extreme motivation today, but it was all used on work.. Spring motivation..

But work is over for 4x days.. Tomorrow, I'll try and make an effort.. to do good things.. I'll wind down for now (With the afternoon Dexedrine? Idk.. I guess I must still keep going).

And I have a shower every day.. do the hygiene things, tasks.. They can get tedious AF though sometimes.. But I do them...

Last night, I hid under the covers and waited for 5mg of diazepam to kick in. Then went for a walk downtown, and was afraid of NO ONE (About 75% fear gone). So I wonder if I should try Cymbalta.. But I'll wait a while (If things get worse). I don't like to think that they'd get worse.. Cuz I want to succeed.. in my own way..

The dextroamphetamine won't be a long term prescription.. I'm just gonna learn the right coping mechanisms for focus and indecisiveness ... Mindfulness, meditation, learning as much as I can.. about how to orientate my life...

Often I say these things, then go into a bad state - So Idk. I'm afraid of that happening. I might as well accept it and give into it happening, of what might not happen (NOpe iN LiFe U CanT Do THat). Fine.. w/e... (ThAts NOt ThE RigHT AtTitUDe) - Okok..

I'll plan to read for ...25-30 minutes, today.. at 4pm.. First must search up corruption news though, and talk to the autist friend (She leaves millions of long messages.. I can't keep up - But has really helped me to find clarity about "self", be more curious with learning more etc.. It's cool. Genius autist.. I realize that I don't really have nearly as much autism as I thought..)..