My Support Forums - View Single Post - Being someone who is supposed to wait for others to initiate contact

rdgrad15 · Apr 10, 2023 at 10:37 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

I agree....

"Putting oneself out there" is always easier for extroverts, but like you said it can come across as cringy because I'm sure people can tell it's forced. Like you waiting for others to initiate contact has been better because I always have been the one to either initiate communication or keep it going. And it's getting exhausting and one-sided. It's always me to have to follow up on a call, text, or email. I know that's not exactly the same thing but now I wait for them to get back to ME. I sent a reply, so reply back to me. I'm not going to go after them anymore. If they want contact, they know where to find me.

Being that my efforts to find new people hasn't worked or else I ended up with sub-standard "friends" or acquaintances, of which I don't need more of THOSE.

Like you I'm introverted and can tell when I'm not wanted.

My BS meter usually works but last few years, it hasn't worked the way it usually does. That "little voice" or gut feeling didn't warn me of someone who's fake. But I found out anyway, the painful way.

Anyway I feel the same way you do and have similar experiences. I'd rather a new friendship unfold at its own pace and not be forced or rushed. You're right that some people seem to have easier than others. And also having gotten repeatedly ghosted the last couple of years especially, I'm quite wary of making the effort anymore.

Yep anytime I took the initiative, it was a one sided friendship and some people even saw that as a form of clinginess or not being able to take the hint. I have a very strong BS meter now, I listen to it way more than I used to. I did have those gut feelings a long time ago but I didn't listen to it, I would always write those feelings off as paranoia and learned the hard painful way like you did. That's why I no longer initiate contact, I don't sit in a corner at a social event acting all mopey but at the same time I'm not going to just go up to people and start talking to them until the approach me first.