I do have that problem at times so I can definitely identify.

If you are interested in my approach please feel free to read on. Otherwise, I hope you find things that work for you in these situations since it can be so frustrating and disheartening.

If you permit me to offer an analogy that might help you . . .

People are in some limited respects like computers. There are many ways computers acquire, store and process information: hard drive, soft drive, apps, flash drives, user input, viruses and and and.

For humans it is more like genetics, prenatal and childhood and young adulthood influences. Good and bad experiences remembered or forgotten. People are also influenced by strong emotions, fears, conflicting feelings, habits and even unconscious or barely conscious forces.

So when you meet someone, it is not like they are an empty container that is just receiving data from what they see, hear and say to you. That is like maybe 1/10th of what is going on inside them.

For this reason, quick], says way more about them than you. For this reason it isn't helpful to take their responses personally.

Maybe a concrete example would help you or others who read this.

I knew a girl who was badly emotionally abused by her father who happened to have a mustache. This girl perhaps didn't think much about it. But at an unconscious level she rejected all men with mustaches.

They probably felt hurt and rejected but the problem was her not them.

Another girl I knew grew up with a kind of gangster father who was emotionally unavailable to her and cruel to her. She need love from this father but didn't get it.

After she grew up, she sought out criminal types like her father. She thought she could make them love her. She actually disliked and was turned off by "nice" men. Nice men didn't meet her deepest needs.

I'm pretty sure the men she rejected were confused, hurt and felt that her rejections were a blow to their self-worth and self-esteem. But actually it wasn't them. It was her.

So I think [and I could be wrong since I am often wrong] that if you ask for a phone number with all this information in that back of your mind, perhaps you will not feel so bad if the person declines to give you their phone number.

People like different things. When I go to the market I see people buy plums and not apples. Some buy pears but not peaches. Some get blueberries but not cherries while others choose cherries first.

This does NOT say anything about the fruit. Since fruit do not have feelings, they can't feel nervous or feel rejected.

People are like this too. There are people who are going to take a liking to you and give you a chance to explore a relationship and some who won't.

I think if you understand the complex logic of this, perhaps you will not feel so bad about the sting of rejection and will learn to shrug it off with practice.

And perhaps you will feel a little bit more emboldened to take chances asking for telephone numbers.

Now I am not a very wise person so perhaps my post has been unhelpful to you and made you feel worse. So I want to apologize. It is difficult to know what to say to someone sometimes.

I do hope other members here will see your post and respond with better words than my poor words. As a shy person myself and one with not the greatest self-esteem, my heart goes out to you and I sure hope you find things will be helpful for you. Best to luck regrad15!