Great and important question! Thanks for posting it. I hope you get lots of responses!

I think it helps some people to take out a sheet of paper and try to put into words what their deepest values are and what is most important to them.

Now sometimes depression and other mental illnesses if left untreated or under treated can make this difficult or even impossible. So there's that.

When I was young I wanted a job where I could sit down most of time but one where I didn't have to interact with loads of people. And I wanted a job where I could help people and feel that each day I made some little difference in the lives of others.

There is something called the difference between inner values and introjected values. Heard of it?

Interjected values are values passed on by parents, teachers and others. Some people pursue these "introjected" values but feel unhappy and empty inside. The reason is that these are values placed on them by others and not their true values.

I was raised with values like: work hard, be a winner, get the upper hand in relationships and dealing with others, be "macho", don't make mistakes, strive endlessly. Be suspicious of things like joy and peace of mind.

I pursued these for awhile but felt empty until I realized they are "introjected" values, not mine. Perhaps you are in a somewhat similarly situation. I don't know.

The happiest I ever was when I was working on a kind of suicide prevention chat line. I thought the stress might do me in but found it ok and it was so rewarding to me personally to have the chance to maybe save a human life.

Now this kind of thing might be a total turnoff to you or others. But I think it might in some case be helpful to try to take some time to figure out what is important to you or what your core values are. Maybe I am wrong.

My hero was Oskar Schindler the Holocaust rescuer. He was pretty much a failure at life. Bad at relationships. Bad at business. He had lots of bad habits and was not the neatest person in the world. He neglected a lot of things that others thought important.

But he is not remembered for this.

He is remembered for rescuing thousands of people from the Holocaust. When one finds one's core values, one can kind of let other values slip. Sadly after the Holocaust, Schindler was very poor and had to sell light bulbs door to door to make ends meet.

But he is known as a real hero. And thousands of people visit his grave each year to pray for him and honor him.

You mention "what you always wanted to be." What is that? Perhaps that might be a good place to start?

Sorry I could not be helpful to you. Hopefully others here will make up for my deficits and be able to help you. I wish you all good things!