Quote:
Originally Posted by RDMercer
Hey Sadman!
Yes, this sucks! Really, really sucks!
Why am I back on here?
Because I just interacted with my wife over text, and I'm questioning everything!
Again!
I feel like a complete screw up loser who caused bottomless pain.
Again!
And I don't want to seek confirmation from the kids that they truly chose me and that they are healthier no contact with their mom. That's unfair to them. They need me for support.
I have ZERO confidence after I speak to her.
BUT.... When I went for a week without talking to her, I:
- really took control of my work (job), and actively sought ways to move forward, and it appears things are progressing already
- began building a financial emergency back up plan and enacting it
- totally lost the feeling of hoping and wishing someone would save me
- really took control at home and was able to do multiple things to offer the kids support.
- became the boss, clearly, at home, and got a ton done and did a lot to look after my herd.
Got-dang! Why is she so certain and unquestioning, and I'm so uncertain and questioning?
And I don't want to slander her to anyone, or suggest she's mentally ill. This is a fairly small town.
Sadman.... It sucks.
But a few good days make a difference.
I read an article recently about some Nigerian men who rode on the rudder of a ship for 11 days for a chance at a better life in Europe. HUMANS are amazingly resilient and adaptable.
You, too, are human.
You got this.
I got this.
Ok?
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It's like you're in my head about how you feel after conversing with her and how easily she affects you. I'm so sorry for both of us . I wish I knew something that would help us as we both seem to struggle with this .
I am not where you are in terms of feeling secure in your house as I'm not sure how it will work out, who would stay or go and that causes me much anxiety as I don't want to even be thinking about that as it feels like giving up.
I still want this to work out
We moved to a rural area and still living under the same roof and sleeping in the same bed (sleeping is all that happens in the bed( , we might as well be roommates ATM . So I don't have the option of time apart other then work.
I have a week off coming up in a few weeks and I was thinking about going back to where we moved from and staying with and seeing some family and old friends and to try to clear my head some but I'm afraid if I do I'll come back to divorce papers or worse. .
I appreciate the support words of encouragement and I will try to remember your words when I am down , thanks again .