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Apr 11, 2023, 11:25 AM
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Desert Kitty hates titles
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 12,524
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rdgrad15
Yep anytime I took the initiative, it was a one sided friendship and some people even saw that as a form of clinginess or not being able to take the hint. I have a very strong BS meter now, I listen to it way more than I used to. I did have those gut feelings a long time ago but I didn't listen to it, I would always write those feelings off as paranoia and learned the hard painful way like you did. That's why I no longer initiate contact, I don't sit in a corner at a social event acting all mopey but at the same time I'm not going to just go up to people and start talking to them until the approach me first.
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Same here.  We are pushed to "get out there" but people can sense if you're forcing it and will think you're clingy. Yeah, BS meter or radar. Some have it more developed than others, mainly due to painful experiences. Supposedly experience is the "best teacher" but must it be so painful?
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdgrad15
Yeah same here, I dislike awkward silences even if I know the person well.
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For me there's such a thing as a comfortable silence.  It's only with people I know well and those who are comfortable with silence. Not everyone is. Sometimes silence speaks more than words; I'm not one to have to be talking constantly. And there's such a thing as non-verbal communication, where both parties or people want to be silent and reflective.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdgrad15
I completely agree, even asking for people's phone numbers can come off as needed or too eager. I don't even ask for people's numbers anymore unless I absolutely have to which is usually just for work related situations, even then I hate doing it. If people want me to have their number, they can approach me first which is very rare and usually it's for work related reasons. I don't trust people anymore either, I don't want people seeing me as clingy so I just wait.
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I've had the opposite happen where the other person wanted to exchange numbers, then THEY are the ones who don't return my call or act like "Why are you calling me?" when it was THEIR idea anyway.
Yesterday my social worker suggested I take this class at this park to meet people and make friends. I literally laughed HARD, laughed and laughed. Been there and done that. a) I don't want to take Tai Chi b)I hate that park and saw more than enough of it in 2020, when in lockdown c) It's a matter of luck if one makes a friend. People could be there just for the class, not to make friends. Anyway it has to be natural and not forced.
Like you said people will sense you're there to try to make friends.  And given my recent experiences, my trust level is zilch. I've told her this already but nothing I say to anyone seems to sink in.
Boy, I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age. I probably wouldn't be posting this.
Last edited by nonightowl; Apr 11, 2023 at 11:40 AM.
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