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Apr 12, 2023, 02:50 PM
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Desert Kitty hates titles
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Member Since: Jul 2008
Location: TARDIS
Posts: 12,557
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Quote:
Originally Posted by rdgrad15
Does anyone feel incredibly uncomfortable asking for other people's phone numbers? I used to be able to do this many years ago but I'm now super uncomfortable about it. It stems from people not wanting to be bothered and accidentally coming off as needy or too eager. I know other people are able to do this without any problems but I just don't have it in me to take that initiative anymore due to the fear of being seen as needy or too eager to start a friendship or for any other reason.
This actually goes hand in hand with taking the initiative to talk to other people in social situations. I've seen some people ask for other people's phone numbers the first time they meet without any problems but if I do it then it looks cringy and clingy. The only rare occasions I take the initiative is if I absolutely need it for a work related reason and even then I absolutely hate asking and others don't particularly like it either even though they share numbers with each other. Otherwise I just wait for people to take that initiative to give me their number and ask for mine since if they truly want to have mine and want me to have theirs then they will ask.
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Odd that you started this thread, as I was just thinking about this! And decided to see what threads you started, and voila!
I don't do this anymore, not for years and years. There was one exception when I saw this woman at the library I THOUGHT I had a good rapport with. She was always there at the same time, next to me on the computers---pre-COVID. I saw her the first time and after years. I gave her MY number, and I didn't ask for hers. Yet she gave it to me, in hindsight I think, out of politeness. She then gave me some lame excuse that her phone is out of order.
I've had people tell me this before: Their phone is broken, their phone has no service, they lost my number, their contacts got erased, etc. and it turned out to be a lie. If you're going to do that, at least be original.
She never did call me and I did not call her, as my BS radar was picking up something.
I've had people ask for MY number, yet never call me. Then why ask? In some cases, I also had their number. But when calling I got the message of "Why are you calling me?" Well you gave me your effing number, that's why.
I've found it better to give MY info, that way if they are truly interested they will contact me. It's up to them, gives them the choice. Like you I don't want to seem too needy either, as I've been told that when simply trying to make friends. We are social creatures, humans are hard wired to seek out others. It was originally for survival and it still is, whether people admit it or not.
Quote:
Originally Posted by rdgrad15
I absolutely agree, I don’t mind giving out my number since it is less intrusive. I let others make that choice, if they take the initiative and give me their number without me asking then I will accept it but I will never ask for their number first. I’m like you, I feel like I need to have a genuinely good reason to ask for someone’s number and it always involves work. Same goes for social media requests too, I’ve become more reluctant to ask long before the pandemic but the pandemic definitely made me more reluctant than before.
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I agree. I don't ask unless it's needed like you said, such as if the book club gets cancelled, or if I'm going to be late, I need the number of one of the leaders so I can contact them. Stuff like that.
That pandemic has also done a real number on me too, in more ways than one....
I thought it would bring people together but it had the opposite effect. It's not just physically distancing but people just kept to themselves, maybe not even going online anymore.
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