Well, I said goodbye to Jay last night since he leaves for his sailing trip on Sat. He spent the night with me Tue night, we had fun, and he told me then that he won't be "babe shopping" while he is in the Caribbean, which made me feel good. We met up at our usual Wed. night band last night, he danced close to me, and gave me attention, unlike the week before when he couldn't stop from looking around the room. I wonder if that had to do with the fact I said my ex may show up (last week). It may have.

Either way, I still have some questions I need answers to... in time I will ask and I will allow them to naturally come up. I don't want to force a relationship or push things farther than where they are now.

Tue night he told me that I give him a "warm feeling". Not sure exactly what that means, but I interpret it as a positive thing.

My ex knows nothing about Jay, which is going to remain to be the case. It's not his business, and I don't feel it's necessary to tell him anything. I think it would also push my ex over the edge.

And the latest is after I got beaten up over the phone by my ex yesterday, and then after watching him cry to me later when I had to see him, he now is offering a $1500 credit card for me to use. I declined. I allowed him to pay the $3,000 tax money owed. I told him I will pay him back, and he said he doesn't want my money.. that it's a gift. Well, given that I paid 8K for our wedding and he paid nothing, I think I may accept this gift. He showed me how much money is in his bank account right now... 180K he has! He still is offering me 20K to pay off my debt and to pay my landlord, and once again, I declined.

And, I realized that my ex is really in fact quite superficial. He offers money and gifts to win me back over, rather than truly changed behavior, what is MOST important.

Him beating me up yesterday for no good reason reinforced for me all the reasons why I am divorcing him.

He lit into me first thing in the morning simply because I didn't respond to his text from the night before and because he was over tired from sleep deprivation.

That's always his excuse... he wasn't "well", he "wasn't himself", he was "frustrated" or "upset".... these are always his reasons for treating me like his emotional punching bag.

Yesterday was a GREAT reminder of all the behaviors I can't deal with in him. Attacking me out of the blue and when I already have enough stress.... coming down hard on me and beating me up... I became so accustomed to his behavior that I've just kind of succumbed to it and weakened.. now I am a bit stronger and can walk away more easily because we no longer live together and I don't have to try and keep the peace. I would appease him in order to defuse the situation and keep peace....... which is very typical in an abusive relationship dynamic. Well, no more. Now I can just shut down the conversation, put up my boundaries, and not respond to him.