I'm not a Bible-thumper either (not religious), but it does strike me as contradictory to be going to a Christian church while also actively planning to violate some of the clearest rules Jesus laid out, such as to love thine enemy, and to turn the other cheek.

I must admit I was trying to shock you a bit, to get you to see the problem with clinging to this plan. Apparently I failed.

Let me try again - he was awful for the way he behaved. But if you don't stop bullying him and planning revenge, you are a worse person than him.

I know you have based losing weight and getting fit on having revenge. The following may help:

Sunk Cost Fallacy - the phenomenon whereby a person is reluctant to abandon a strategy or course of action because they have invested heavily in it, even when it is clear that abandoning it would be more beneficial.

Do you really want to be the victim of false reasoning?

I'm not going to be checking this thread again because it upsets me. Good luck. I hope you see Ruby again one day. I certainly hope to see my pets again who are deceased.