Thing is, I do like being around people. I need people. It's just that I feel inadequate, hence my urge to push myself to - or rather: beyond - my limits. I hope I will some day feel "enough" te deserve a relationship. I do realize this day will never come, there will always be something I have to work on.
It is this insecurity that does make me anxious and makes building up social relations - romantic or other - virtually impossible. I always feel like I'm a bore and other people should not have to put up with me. That is apparently how you end up with very few friends, bitter and lonely. I got no guts (and stitches don't help at all) to ask somebody out, to open up about my feelings or whatever.

I am currently in a situation where I ended up - this is my classical pattern - becoming the comforting friend. Looking back on previous experiences, I know she will recover and fall in love with someone else, leaving me heartbroken, only to be set free to find a new illusion.

I don't think I do have any perspective. I thought studying would open up new roads and it is true: I will in the near future probably make more money than average, which will make life easier in some respect. But it will not help me overcome my difficulties in social situations. So in the end, why would I even bother?