My Support Forums - View Single Post - Being someone who is supposed to wait for others to initiate contact

rdgrad15 · Apr 14, 2023 at 07:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by nonightowl

Same here.

We are pushed to "get out there" but people can sense if you're forcing it and will think you're clingy. Yeah, BS meter or radar. Some have it more developed than others, mainly due to painful experiences. Supposedly experience is the "best teacher" but must it be so painful?

For me there's such a thing as a comfortable silence.

It's only with people I know well and those who are comfortable with silence. Not everyone is. Sometimes silence speaks more than words; I'm not one to have to be talking constantly. And there's such a thing as non-verbal communication, where both parties or people want to be silent and reflective.

I've had the opposite happen where the other person wanted to exchange numbers, then THEY are the ones who don't return my call or act like "Why are you calling me?" when it was THEIR idea anyway.

Yesterday my social worker suggested I take this class at this park to meet people and make friends. I literally laughed HARD, laughed and laughed. Been there and done that. a) I don't want to take Tai Chi b)I hate that park and saw more than enough of it in 2020, when in lockdown c) It's a matter of luck if one makes a friend. People could be there just for the class, not to make friends. Anyway it has to be natural and not forced.

Like you said people will sense you're there to try to make friends.

And given my recent experiences, my trust level is zilch. I've told her this already but nothing I say to anyone seems to sink in.

Boy, I wish I had your wisdom when I was your age.

I probably wouldn't be posting this.

In terms of comfortable silence with someone I know, I'm perfectly okay with that as well. There are a select few people where I can be silent with them in their presence and it doesn't bother me, it's part of being an introvert.

Also I've had people take the initiative to exchange phone numbers only for them to get annoyed when I text them, it's why I no longer text someone first even if they take the initiative to exchange numbers unless I absolutely have to. Yeah people can catch on when you're not being authentic and honestly I've seen this happen with extroverts too, I'll observe an extrovert trying to insert themselves in a conversation and I can usually tell when their presence isn't welcomed among others but the extrovert appears to be oblivious about it.