Well I don't have to wonder anymore about how this is going to go .

She has retained an attorney and has filed for Divorce 😰. She says she knows she can't make me happy because she is broken and her issues are too much.
She says that it's not fair to me and I deserve someone who can make me happy . Shouldn't she has asked me if this would help my happiness before doing this and saying that ?
She says she just wants to be alone so she doesn't expose others to her issues . This hurts so badly right now , even though I knew it was a strong possibility.

What a mess, now I don't have a choice on what I'm doing . I need to focus on building my new life . Time to try to start following the advice I haven't wanted to hear .

So step one, I am going to start looking for a new house I suppose as she has suggested staying in this one and offering me a favorable settlement to help me get started . I could buy her out but I don't think I want to live in the house full of her ghosts and I think it'll be best if I start fresh .

In my last session I could barely speak without falling apart and crying, I just couldn't stop .
My therapist told me something and suggested I need to remind myself of it often for now .

"Your relationship has changed because she can't love you the way you need to be loved anymore "
I've been trying to use it like a mantra when ever I break down and loose all my composure and randomly start crying which happens all too often the last few days . Grief bursts I think .

I'm such a mess a the moment