Hang in there buddy please. I can tell you the question of 'why should I bother' has been inside the minds of many members here at MSF including my own in a very real way, and I venture to guess is still part of a lot of people's thinking here as well. Depression, feelings of hopeless and alienation are real things.

For me, in my worst times, I had to find my own reasons to live, and to look very carefully at (my) life which eventually did pay off. You can do it too. Persistence and determination and the will to fight through the darkness were/still are key things to me, and I have a feeling you're like that too.

I don't know of any magical remedy but in our Western societies I do believe talking frankly and openly with the therapists, doctors, and counselors, can help to unravel things and to change the course you find yourself on. Life is such a difficult journey in all sorts of ways for so many people and obviously we aren't an exception.

Just don't lose hope @Tsfriday, and utilise any resources and self help tools you've learned about along the way. Keep posting here too, you may gain some emotional strength or some useful knowledge in doing so.

Sending you a big hug, friend. At the end of the day, we're all the same.🙏