I'm struggling the last 24 hours. I'm back to second guessing myself on a ton of stuff.

I listened to those YT clips again, and began to wonder if it was ME who was displaying those traits, and if it had been me all along..... Again.

I spent my lunch break looking up self test questionnaires online to see how I score in NPD, vulnerable NPD, and BPD traits.

I had five windows open at one point comparing the tests and the results to each other.

Then it occurred to me..... The hallmark trait of NPD and BPD is an unwillingness and inability to self-examine. So maybe that means it isn't me.

Also, I spoke to the kids yesterday, again and asked them what it was like when I was away for work overnight. They hated it. They said all the drama and crankiness just got re-directed to them. They said the things I did when I was home they just assumed responsibility for, like getting themselves up for school and making meals.

The fact that we haven't had ONE argument, no one has cried, and even between them there have been no issues in the three months since my wife left, must mean I am providing some stability, and I must have some stabilizing traits.

Right?

Just feeling shaky today, that's all.