I am not comfortable about revealing things to my doctor so I can definitely identify with what you wrote. If I was good at that kind of thing I could probably offer you some helpful advice.

To be honest, if I was in your shoes I would have trouble revealing what you are hesitant to reveal to your NP but I hope you somehow find some inner source of gumption to do that since what you have written about your history of throwing up small amounts of blood is concerning and that kind of thing can't be good for your health.

Some people have little tricks for getting up the courage to do things. I hope they will see your post and respond to it helpfully. I will be more than interested in reading their responses too since I tend to be a meek person especially regarding medical stuff.