It sounds like you will be perpetually frustrated in this relationship, and you already know that. Of course, you're sad. I also think you're being bamboozled somewhat. Emotionally, he takes more than he gives, but you forgive him and permit that to continue because you feel so sorry for how his trust was abused in the past. Poor guy . . . he got treated so bad . . . and his sensitive little heart just can't heal. Better give him a bunch more love.

First of all, never assume that you're getting the full story about his past. Try to separate out what is factual from what is the spin he's putting on things. All human beings tend to spin stories in a way that doesn't threaten their self-esteem. You weren't there to witness what happened in his previous relationships. I'm not saying he's lying. I am saying that he sees things through a filter. All of us do. He's human. He remembers how his expectations got disappointed. Maybe he did some disappointing himself. Maybe he was unrealistic in what he expected. Probably, a lot went on that you have little idea about. Try to read between the lines. He's given you more information than you realize, once you let go of looking at his history only as he wants you to see it. You don't have to challenge him or argue with him. You do need to recognize that there's more than one side to his stories.

Secondly, maybe you know for a fact that he was treated poorly in the past. You don't have to automatically buy his reasoning that his coldness toward you is just him protecting his delicate self from further betrayal. He knows that he's short-changing you in the love department, which he admits. He has constructed this philosophy of living, whereby it's cool to be aloof and withholding of warmth because only a sucker does differently. Don't endorse that. Stop feeling sorry for him. Getting over disappointment is part of life. Maybe he had some tough experiences. Maybe he gave more than he got in a past relationship. That happens lots of times to lots of people. So he moved on, and now he has you. Don't encourage his tendency to ruminate about past hurts and harbor bitterness because once something didn't turn out as he had hoped. We have a right to have hopes. We have the right to cry for a while when a hope gets shattered. No one has the right to keep using a past disappointment as an excuse to stay bitter and cold. No one who does that deserves a ton of sympathy.